Four months into life in our new home in Humboldt and I’m feeling happy and grounded and right where I wanna be at this moment in my life. Just a few months ago, I was so excited to have a little escape in an unfamiliar yet beautiful place, but I was so anxious with uncertainty.
Our time in Humboldt has been humbling. I dunno if it’s the fresh air, the thick redwood forests, or the vast amount of space, but it feels like all my life things spiraled together to get centered and settled. And here I am.
I was chatting with someone the other day, and realized I have so many things I’ve been asking for a long time. For months, I let the anxiety of uncertainty get the best of me I didn’t even take time to acknowledge: I started my own brick and mortar business and it’s WORKING, despite my fears of running a small biz in a small town (still, every day I go to work I’m still surprised when enough people show up for me to pay all the bills); I have the freedom to travel and see friends, even though I’m hundreds of miles deep in the woods; I have the most amazingly supportive and loving partnership that has only gotten better with more time together.
I still battle the daily bout of anxiety (that sounds a little like: What if people stop coming in for appointments? What if I freak out and decide I have to close up shop? Will I ever make enough money to pay off my student loans so I can feel what it’s like to be debt free? What if this gloomy weather gets me caught back up in the tangly web that was brain injury depression?)
Most of these have me laughing out loud at the makings of the makings of my mind. It’s more comical in written form. What I know my mind can also do, is reflect and acknowledge how far I’ve come, feel the resilience I’ve built in life, and see I’m doing so many of the things I said I wanted to do, even if they don’t appear exactly as I imagined.
Life is good.